Now and then an agent expresses interest in my memoirs.

You don't think I have memoirs?... I've been hotel doctoring since the 1980s, and I had literary ambitions long before.

My proposal has been making the rounds for decades, and agents often respond. Our conversation always covers the same ground.

"'Memoirs of a Los Angeles hotel doctor.' That's a great idea! It sounds like you've seen celebrities."

"A few."

"Did you see Michael Jackson?"

"Many hotel doctors saw Michael Jackson."

"Tell me about him."

"Doctors can't do that."

That ends the conversation. I suspect agents dislike hearing that my memoirs don't discuss famous people, even those who've died. It's correct that you can't libel the dead, but you can anger surviving loved-ones; they've been known to sue.

My book proposal continues to make the rounds, but it's possible that readers of my blog and this column will be my only audience. I add to it regularly, and when no stories come to mind, I dip into my memoirs.

Mike Oppenheim