The No-Housecall Mode - The Life of a Hotel Doctor
By Mike Oppenheim, MD
Several times per year, a hotel guest suffers a bloody nose. I don't make housecalls for nosebleeds because there's nothing I can do. Treatment is to pinch the nose, releasing pressure every five minutes to check if bleeding has stopped. I tell guests to repeat until they get bored. If bleeding persists, the next step is cautery or nasal packing, both of which require expertise.
Insect bites usually look the same, bee stings included. Redness and itching spread, peaking after a few days before slowly fading. I explain this over the phone, but guests often want me to take a look.
When a guest suggests he has bronchitis, I immediately go into no-housecall mode because this is a fake diagnosis doctors use when they prescribe an antibiotic as a placebo ("sinus infection" and "strep" are also sometime fakes).