Guests don't say that. Mostly I hear: "Can I talk to my wife and call you back…..?"

Unlike the competition, I don't confine myself to upscale hotels. Plenty of Holiday Inns, Ramadas, and motels call, and I quote fees less than the going rate, but this is no competitive advantage because hotels don't care what the doctor charges. Still, counting driving time, a hotel visit rarely takes less than an hour, so it's not cheap.

Helpless in a strange country and forewarned that medical care in America requires vast sums, foreign guests are easier to deal with.

America medical insurance takes a dim view of housecalls. No hotel doctor accepts it, and middle-class Americans, accustomed to doctors who take insurance, are shocked to learn that they must pay out of their pocket.

I like to present myself as a humanitarian, and I often reduce my fee, but most Americans who object prefer to go to an urgent care clinic.

Walking through the clinic door costs around $100. This is much less than a housecall, but clinics charge extra for tests, procedures, shots, and supplies, and the patient must find a pharmacy to fill a prescription. I charge a flat fee and provide everything. Learning this changes some minds but others prefer to try their hand at a clinic. Insurance will pay part of the bill.

Mike Oppenheim